Transparency returns from short leave after public notices it missing

CHENNAI, IN OUR FICTIONAL SECRETARIAT — Transparency has returned to its desk after a short, unannounced absence, finding a pile of questions and a welcome-back card that management would prefer nobody photocopied.

The imaginary Department of Explaining What We Meant insisted there had been no change in its commitment to openness. For a few days, openness had simply been available only from the inside.

“We were always listening. We were briefly experimenting with not answering.”

‘We were always listening. We were briefly experimenting with not answering,’ said a completely invented official, standing beside a glass door that had been carefully covered with a photograph of a glass door.

Citizens were initially asked to appreciate the administrative efficiency of the arrangement. Under the old system, a question had to be received, processed and answered. Under the experimental system, considerable time could be saved by becoming the wrong department to ask.

Unfortunately, people responded by asking why they could no longer ask. This produced a category of question for which the new filing system had no drawer.

A fictional consultant suggested describing the reversal as a successful public consultation. The public had consulted itself, loudly, and the office had obtained the results without needing to commission a survey.

Staff have now organised a small ceremony to welcome transparency back. The agenda includes opening remarks, a statement about openness and a vote of thanks. A question-and-answer session was accidentally placed in the refreshments column.

Outside, a resident said he was glad the window had reopened but remained curious about who had closed it. His question was accepted. In this newsroom’s entirely invented version of events, that was considered a promising start.